Truth in Labeling
in Labeling When you learn that your child has lied to you for the first time, it is usually an upsetting occurrence. But as parents, we probably don't rush to judgment and label our children as liars. We may, however, follow up on their statements more closely. At this juncture, we are more concerned with forming their character than in pinning labels on them. Why then do we rush to put labels on others?
A label is information. Looking at the label on a package of ground beef, we know how much it weighs, how much fat is included, how much it costs and usually the date that the meat was ground. We also know by the label whether it is ground chuck or ground sirloin. Information that we can use to make a well-informed decision. Process the information and categorize it. We humans love to categorize. We Mensans, I think, are even better at it than most.
We will always live with labels. Labels make it easier to make decisions with less information while filing this information very neatly in compartments. Example: man/woman, boy/girl, old/young and strong/weak. Most of these labels we apply correctly.
Over the past several years I have paid attention to how Mensans label each other at AGs, in the Bulletin, in e-mail correspondence, and even in everyday conversation. Here are a few examples of labels that I have heard or seen:
Let's start with "troublemaker." What ingredients make up this moniker and what may go into the typecasting of one? First of all, labeling people seems to be a very convenient way to separate us from those who are different. Such categorical judgments often lead to oppositional thinking (us vs. them, my way vs. your way). I once saw the comment, "If Sander's for it, then I'm against it." How can we rush to judgment before an idea is even articulated? Does public disagreement with an issue or proposition inevitably label one a troublemaker? Does having another perspective make us wrong? Does seeing a window of an idea and promulgating it automatically lower the blinds in some other folks? Even if we agree with another, will he listen if he has already labeled us? I think that sometimes we would rather argue about who is right than do the right thing. And in arguing or disagreeing, it is easier to label someone a troublemaker than it is to discuss or analyze his or her ideas.
Troublemaker. Is it giving advice when it is not requested? Is it giving your opinion on an issue when it is not asked for? Can it be asking for all of us to play by the same rules when it appears some may not be? Or is the troublemaker just asking to be heard? Are their comments meant to try and better our organization, or are they deliberately trying to inflict pain and aggravation?
I don't believe we have taken the time to find out. It's just easier to slap a label on people than it is to get to know them or analyze their ideas or their perspective. We tend to judge others by their behavior and ourselves by our intentions. Judging and analyzing others is usually just one type of self-avoidance.
The other labels listed above appear to fall under the same umbrella. We usually do not take the time to listen to another's perspective. I think we may be using our intellectual giftedness just to further rationalize our already existing beliefs. This can be construed as intellectual laziness. Intelligence doesn't necessarily make us smart. So what can we do to reduce the propensity to label others? Listen. Truly listen.
Before we can accurately understand others and their viewpoints, we have to learn to listen. This can be very difficult. Most of us listen with the intent to reply as opposed to listening with the intent to understand. In conversation, we are usually formulating our response while the other person is still speaking.
There are only four basic modes of communication: speaking, reading, writing and listening. We learn to speak before we can walk. We learned to read and write in kindergarten and kept on learning and practicing. We may even have taken speech classes in high school and college. But most of us have never truly learned to listen. No formal courses in listening were offered in my day.
In a recent survey that asked CEOs to name the top ten leadership characteristics, every answer included the ability to listen. Where is the session on listening in our LDWs?
By not listening we retard our understanding and by not understanding we take shortcuts and begin the labeling process. By labeling, we increase the opposition in our society. By increasing opposition, we make it much more difficult to go forward.
—Don Taylor
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